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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| A surprise from past blogging prompted me to almost want to resume my own....
i'm angry to find out that all my previous b.s is no longer there for me to peruse. Isn't that, after all, part of the fun of one of these things....seeing how you've changed?
I personally, think I've made a lot of changes....but even what's still there for me to look at feels like today.
routine. frustration. parenthood of course, but that's one of the good things.
Married going on 4 years....Trinity going on adulthood in her young 3 year old body.
I've discovered in the last few months alone how many things can be different if you want them to be. This may sound like a captain obvious moment but being married doesn't mean you give up your individual interests, your personality, your friends....being a wife doesn't mean you are ruled by your apron and cleaning utensils. It isn't, the 50's, afterall.
Finally I have people in my life who lift me and not trample on me. People who I have relationships with based off of choice and not obligation. It's a sweet feeling and one giant leap out of the routine I've allowed myself to settle into for the past almost 6 years. I feel life in me again.
People who drag me down are now eliminated from my air space, another thing that feels empowering. No one should ever feel they have to be around anyone, especially if those someones hate you. That's just ludicrous.
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| It's been so long since I've put anything on here, that I'm surprised I still know how to use it! Silly isn't it....
Life has been pretty alright, I'll have to admit. I feel overwhelmed all the time, but I'm pretty sure that that just comes with the territory. Trinity is already two years old, and smarter than any 2 year old you'll ever meet. And tall. My word she's tall. I love every single minute of mommyhood, even the headachey parts.
Cory and I are fine. Sometimes are better than others. Sometimes i feel like we're trapped in this marital 'routine' of how we live, and I think *Is it going to always be this way? Will it get worse???* And I panic inside. Then other times it's like we were when we got together, fun and carefree and blissful. I figure that's more accurate to how it will be.....never the same. Either really terrible, really fabulous, or right in the middle somewhere.
I still feel like I have zero friends. None. Since becoming a mommy I feel like the only people who come around are people that want something, and the people who actually want to see me....are too far away. I hate it. I hate everything about it. Why is it that the minute you gain your own family....the friends you considered family just disapear? I don't know either.
There are some other things too. Sometimes I feel like I have 2 hearts in 2 completely different places. Like there are so many people I want to make happy, and I can't. I can't be in 5millionplacesatonce. I can't do for everyone. I wish I could. It frustrates the hell out of me. I need another me. kind of like in Multiplicity, only without the slightly dumber or meaner me's. That would work. Someone give me the number of THAT doctor.
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